SO lastnight I basicly had a nervous breakdown of sorts. I got back from farmville and felt tired. Then i Schaefed with Simon which worked out rather well. we had fun chilling then ryan cox showed up. We decided to study for a bit. After the library closed i started feeling really bad. I just drove and drove for hours. I just drove and listened to the fray. I felt god awful, i felt compelled to hurt myself. I felt that somehow it would release me from this feeble existence. I would never extinugh myself. Even though i was having these thoughts i know that's just the depression talking. I eventually pulled over and cried, it was sad. I felt alone, I was alone. I txted pple but no one responded. I was slightly hurt, these are people that I have comforted in times of weakness, and cared for, and people who I care about. But when I feel like knifing myself, no one. No one. So wallowing in my own patheticness, It began to look like an option. and thats when i needed to tell someone. I duno why, to acknowlege that this was real and not some sick twisted dream. Its funny my life feels like it could totally be a dream. Im so apethetic when it comes to responsibilities these days. nothing matters. Well so I told becca, her advice was that i needed to go see someone, ya cause that would definitely fix it. Talking is useless. How is talking going to undo all of the damages that have been caused by this shitty depression. It seems like a pointless waste of time.
So ya that was that, im currently embracing emo music, it makes me feel better, like i can connect to some pple. But i guess i always liked it. I want some really strong drugs, the kind that are so powerful I wont wake up for days, and need to be injected intravenously!!!
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