and the saga continues

So what hasn't happened......

OK so my entire summer pretty much composed of me constantly fighting with my parents about stupid things. when this wasn't occurring i was at work, i made so so so many mistakes it is not going to be surprising to me if my boss doesn't ask me to come back. I knew i was not myself over the summer and i thought it was because i was upset about how things had ended with Karen..... poorly to say the least. Shes just not interested and i am. Rejection sucks!!! o then another Revelation in my life,,, so apparently I'm clinically depressed, wtf right! i mean i was really really sad over the summer, numb... etc but i never thought depression was the cause. Well now I'm taking wellburtin SR, it seems to have some good effect, Sept the part where i don't sleep. and the headaches.
Yesterday i had my first happy day in a long time. Went over to toms place and had a few drinks, IE half a bottle of wine and 2 beers. there all good guys and great friends but I'm really absorbed in feeling sorry for myself its kinda like i dunno if i need to tell others, I'm doing a pretty good job at comforting myself. Its funny about how getting the news that Ur depressed is actually more depressing than not. So lately in social gatherings i feel isolated and away from the group, detached. Tonite we stayed at z's place, we talked about all sorts of things love, life, the meanings and our experiences. its really great to be able to open up to someone like that. I just really wish if i could find someone to open up too like that who was all of the things that I'm looking for. Karen is so freaking amazing. she is a real catch of a lifetime...... whom ever she does decide to be with, well that will be one lucky guy!
And this idea of being friends, since she doesn't think we have what it takes to be be any more. well i don't really see how this is going to work if she is so closed off, she remains the same way no matter how much time we spend together. Z says that i have already broken thought allot more barriers than any other guy she knows which appears to be an accomplishments in itself. I wish i really wish that there was some way that this could workout, i dunno how but it feels like i have really deep emotions for this girl. I just cant get over the facts that shes like so freaking perfect, get this : shes full of adventure, she is performance driven , goal oriented and not to mention has a flair for style and living life how its meant to be lived. but I'm just wasting my time.... SHE IS NOT INTO ME! OK now that i have reminded my self of this i shall go to rest.