: )

So I told Karen that I liked her, that I really liked her. So I really really like her. I had a dream last night, it wasn't a dirty or naughty dream we just laid on the ground in each others embrace, everything was in complete harmony, and at peace. Calm and complete, while I know we are so so far away from this still being in college in all where it would be imposible to be distraction free. I know that there are sooo many obstacles that she has hurdled that I still need to conquer. I told her the real story of my legal troubles, I sincerely hope that it doesn't affect her view of me. If I were in her shoes I think it would affect the oppionion of me. also to be continued!

So I'm studying in the library today again. Karen is wearing a really cute dress, her dad apparently came to have dinner with her, it seems as though everything she does is really functional. Even with the cultural aspect that i seem to struggle with she can maintain her composure to sit down and have a casual dinner with her dad. Shes so great and the funny thing is I dunno if I'm doing this consciously or subconsciously but it seems I'm constantly thinking about her. I know she still sees me as Zaneera's little brother, just due to the way in which we interact. I think i will talk to Angie and find out if Karen needs a friend or boy friend. I know i can be both, but if shes not looking for love then the next best thing i can do for her is remain her friend. I also need to talk to Angie about the whole thing about how i seem to jump from one girl to another. It worries me, I don't want Karen to just be another one of those girls that i liked and either let slip away or maybe more so liked the idea of having them as a girlfriend and thus it never worked out. It seems in everything i do what ever I'm doing i can always relate it back to Karen. Maybe like i cant stop thinking about her? I dunno.

SO 2 of my new friends including karren show up at 2 am infront of my house, outside my window. Im like ahhh leme get some clothes on!!! They came carrying gifts! I was like *Heart*!!!! So yea ... i think im going to srudy with them tonite, maybe hagout... Havent spoken to rebeca yet sept yesterday, She said it wasent me it was something else, something she couldent tell me.

I feel sick to my stomach in the positions i have gotten myself into. I feel sad. maybe i just need to eat something but i dunoooo

Karen

So karen, I couldent stop thinking about her last nite. This morning, i feel like shit. About becca, im waiting to hear back from her, if she calls im sorry for making her cry but honestly she wanted me to agree with her that she needed to get her sleep and about the plane ticket situatuon. i dont agree, its not me thats having an issue its her, she should know that im looking out for her best intrest as always. I realize i dont mind being that guy when it comes to comforting other people but i do admit that lately shes been taking advantage of my intrest in her life. I have my own shit going on and i do get to serve my own needs before the needs others, sometimes. I wish she could see it this way, I wish she would choose our friendship over her anger. I feel like being allone maybe... iduno if i wanted to be allone the libbrary prob isnt the best idea, however staying at home was not a choice eiher, the exterminator was to come today, a 9am to 1 pm. I was going to do laundry and get shit done looks like thats postponed for another day, i do need to do my vcu app and do landury and call apple about the job, and maybe apply else where, talk to dad about housing, and pickup recepits for msa.. im bored and tired of this, i want change no i need change! I ikinda feel as though im getting squished under all of the pressure, however looking analytically there is no real cause at all, maybe my own expectations, expectations that are getting shattered. but sometimes its ok to be emo. rite? i think so, i mean its not normal to be happy all of the time.

______

So i find that im quite in like with said friend. I dont know her that well but i do care for her and all of my new friends allot. Every time i see her i cant help but smile on the inside. Shes working much on getting oversommeone. I totally flipped out on becca today. Weve totally been slipping through the cracks lately. I have always made our friendship like ubber protrity, but lately it seems she doesent have much extra time to talk and such. It makes me sad, I dropped my calc class which made me really upset. Now i have a shit load of open time. But i feel that I have so much going on in my head.... I duno if i actually like her or if its just me being atracted to the idea of a relationship. We'll see.
2 nites ago we went to hollywood cem, it was nice! relaxing..ect... I do like her allot!

I think im going bAck tonite. NOW

fun in r

SO yesterday i found out it was a friends friends birthday... so i dropped off a little gift. Anonymously; one of the trinas i wooted. Shes freeking out about it in a good way. Which makes me smile inside and out. Funny cause shes sitting right next to me.