ok So heres Feburary in a nut shell

Feb started out bad, The moped my parents bought me was 50cc's basically slow as shit! So i decided to upgrade, i took it apart and tried to install the kit, it was 3mm of center of the cylinder so i decided against it, put the bike back together and no ignition. I flipped out, because i broke my only mode of transport. So i had class and had to walk/run the 5 miles. took me a fucking hour. and was cold as shit, My road bike was locked in the garage and i had no key. I told my parents and they bitched at me be got over it. My dad decided he had no other choice but to bring the car back. I am eternally grateful!!!! So i have my car doing my community service hours, took my AA class, and then one of the most beautiful amazing, fantastic girls i ever met shows up. I fall in love with her, we talk and talk. One day we do lunch, i didn't realize it could be like a test date, i acted like an idiot, i just thought we were both hungry. We flirted etc etc, but I could have done much better. I show up on the next Thursday and shes not there, Thursday is the day we both have off, the day i was going to ask her out. But then also Becca let me know she knows we are friends but that she thinks her feelings could be more, which is a shock to me, because I'm not really the type she dreams about, I'm not a southern cow boy, with a general store in the mountains, if anything I'm likely to be an urban cowboy, with a computer repair facility in the city. Its weird because were all super lonely, Tom is missing relationships both physical and emotional, I'm just bothered by a nagging loneliness (and difficulty keeping it in my pants, morning wood it the most annoying thing ever), and Becca is lonely and sad because she cant seem to find anyone around longwood who isn't already in a relationship or a total dick. I know i also have feelings for her, the more permanent ones, but i love them both, but they appeal to two different sides of me, Amber; she is focused, directed, confident, she knows what she wants and does what it takes to get it. She is kind, unafraid to speak her mind, she is bold and stylish like Cali surfer girl stylish and hott.

Becca on the other hand is funny, family oriented, fun to hangout with, super agreeable, kind hearted, we know each other on a deep level, were bff's, shes cute, she has an inner beauty, she knows what is right and sticks with her gut. She gives amazing advice, and stays mostly rational, she is like me in allot of ways, but in many more were totally different, its like we mesh together. I do dream about what it would be like to get older, this bull i said about staying a bachelor is not true, i do want to get married, have kids (shit they don't even have to be mine), be with somebody that i loves me and whom i can love back, who we can spend the rest of our lives with. Where we can go sailing to Guam, maybe go surfing with, fishing, camping, reading, hiking, or just watch movies and play games with. Someone who will come on wild adventures with me and enjoy them as much as i do, which will be hard because for me, doing something extreme is so much more meaningful when your doing it with someone you love.

I could actually see Becca and i doing those things together, i see a future for us, while I can see a future for Amber and I it is foggy and unclear I in no way know her as well as i know becca. I told becca that I too am confused about the feelings i have for her. I do love her but how far does that love go, I might say id die for her, but then again, id die for any of my real friends. This is complicated because i know Tom thinks he likes Becca, the problem with this is Tom is also horny and he is close to becca, im not saying he is trying to use becca, but it seems hes only liked her for the past 3 weeks or so. Maybe im just jelous. It was also upsetting to find out that her and Rob another friend madeout on new years, i know everybody was drunk but still! And then rob told me some super disturbing news about the time becca and trevor had a fling at my place, well lets say i wanted to burn my bed sheets. I was disgusted, and will never look at trevor the same way again. I totally still like her, and i want to be with her, but theres the distance, fuck the distance, theres the whole amber thing, i basicly think shes avoiding me since last week, she put her self on the line expecting me to make a move and i waited too long. So now shes avoiding me. I dont want becca to think im trying to use her as a fall back cause i know my love for her is alot stronger but i also know she can do better than me, tom, rob or trevor. Were all weird in different ways and shes just amazing. I Love Rebeca Vanhook. But i cant tell her because, i dont know y. maybe i should, she might be like "its your hormones". She thinks thats y basicly all of her guy friends have liked her at one time or another.